Curse of a brave heart
Emotions and thoughts
Constantly running into each other
So I search til the pains gone
Looking for the purpose, the payoff
Scaling the well
Trying to surface the chaos
So much hurt but can’t say all that I feel
My world shattered
My words scattered
Sometimes it gets hard to believe
Even harder to breathe
A rough patch from scarring too deep
Karma could you please
Give me a sign
Let me rest, let me resign
I miss you, I miss you
Hoping you carry all of your thoughts
With me inside
You picked me to silence the cold
Exile your woes
Whether it’s goodbye or you coming home
I find myself wishing you both

I had so much to give you — you know?
All you needed to do was hold on
But circumstances change
People change and so on…

In a state of love
In a state of addiction
A lot of habits to grow out of and see past
And right now
We can’t afford to relapse
Because we consumed
We indulged in each other
Just copious
You chose me then
Now you propose we spend time apart
Suppose that the space between us is appropriate
I just hope you can cope with it
Because right now
We can’t afford to relapse

So it’s probably for the better
At least for the time being

That’s what I keep telling myself

That it’s probably for the better
At least for the time being

A. Hymn

These days
I’ve been having a hard time
Discerning between right and love
As I fight my gut
My gripes become ingrained
Yet I write because I hate this feeling
Maybe I need to let go
See — you pushed me away
So many words, I wonder if you meant those
But did they hurt because I let it?
Or because you said so?
I love you so much
My warmth would remain for you even if hell froze
I know that I’ve moved you
I could care less where it is that you move to
But I couldn’t come close to removing you
And that same hurt you put on me
I wouldn’t dare put on you
Now you’re wanting me back
All because you want to be back
My love for you comes first
But how long does your honesty last?

I’m listening, tell me…

A. Hymn

i hate that we have chemistry. i hate that i knew how to make you laugh. smile. i hate that i understood you so well. i hate that i cared about you. i hate i showed you compassion. patience. i hate that i was the one you chose. i hate that i knew how to love you in the way you needed. i hate all these things because they made letting go the hardest. with all that being said. i will always have love for you.

A. Hymn || they say hate is a strong word, but so is love

How it feels to live with regrets
Witness the effects when you’re invested
As indifference just sets in
I guess things won’t be the same
Maybe it’s too late
The mind remembers what the heart can teach
I’ve learned to know when I’m needed
That’s why I’m averse to extending further than arm’s reach
I’m inhabited by oceans and a calm breeze
I know you could feel it
Saying you were lucky to be healing
Having had your anxieties soothed
Ingratiated by emotional grooves
But I get emotional too
Your actions made me feel disposed
So I put up a front for all the things I can’t get back
In spite of all the feelings I hate set backs
We kept going in circles
So maybe it’s right to say things ran its course
So who’s got the bigger chip?
What’s the baggage score?
I don’t even know which one of us is damaged more
Riddled with open wounds
But it’s much harder to bandage gore
Fighting out of desire for each other
Fueling a famine war
Struggling to find food for thought
But all I can taste of you is liquor for soul
I care about my sobriety
I’ll let you go the next time you say bye to me
Or maybe it’s too late

A. Hymn, Too Late

Friends at the crossroads
Wondering how this became the destination
Bracing for impact, preparing to let go
Floating, drifting off into separation
Optimistically thinking
This part of our life is just a vacation
And I tried to adjust with patience
But we forget every step has its implications
Misled by watching your actions towards others
Makes me think if your passion destroys lovers
Lovers being us
Like no wonder you have trust issues
Yet whenever you leave I just miss you
I miss you and I can’t just give up with you
I miss us and I can’t just give up this too
But I have to and honestly
A feeling of belonging doesn’t mean I can have you
A goodbye entirely out of love
So if you felt complete
Just know I never wanted to be the one to halve you
But moving on doesn’t mean without you
I’m trying to continue along the path I found you
Hoping you catch up without a reason for feeling rushed
So you can trust more
Hoping the distance will make us value salutations much more
But you need to be free
And I understand that’s not giving up
It’s living up to my loyalty
It’s living up to my promise
So even though we made it this far
And even though we just got here
Goodbye

A. Hymn, Goodbye

How missing you feels like it means nothing
How everything was right in front of our eyes
How we never choose what we should see
How the imperfections of life can taint the beauty of what we could be
How two individuals could hold so much of each other
How that same connection could turn to ruin
How so much can change in just one year
How after all this time things still aren’t clear
How ideals can quickly become bad ideas
How I can write these poems yet have no words for you

A. Hymn || how many times can we ask where things went wrong

Closure is hard
Especially when you’ve been forced to go
Then forced to go closing your heart
By the same one who wanted it
By the same one who needed it opened
Left with a feeling no more than ajar
But at least I loved you in the way you needed
I think about all the times I could’ve walked away
The times I should’ve walked away
Yet in the back of my mind
Thinking someone who believes in love
Shouldn’t talk this way
I showed patience when others wouldn’t want to wait
Don’t think it’s because I longed for pain
I just wanted to love you in the way you needed
And I felt so much
What couldn’t I live through?
I don’t want you to leave
But a fight for you is just a fight with you
I wasn’t patient so you would change your mind
I was patient for greater times
You know I’d do anything just to trade our trials
Just to rotate the dial back
Sate your eyes and generate a smile
Simply loving you in the way you needed
But I contemplated while you left
I searched deep inside for any responses
I realized you gave me the responsibility
To remove all your fears
So how could I ever be mad?
I can’t claim victim when I volunteered
I knew you deserved all the love in the world
When you think you deserve all that the world has given you
But see those are two different things
And the only things I want to contrast
Would be our differences
Yet you say I loved you in the way you needed
And I suppose that’s true with the way you treated me
It was way too convenient
I never gave up on you
I gave up on me
Right there in love
I laid conceded
But does that make you conceited?
Or will you say you never could see it?
Yet you say I loved you in the way you needed
When maybe I loved you because I needed
Need is where it started
Need is where it ends
Need is where we end

Be careful when loving someone who only needs you

A. Hymn, Different Love