Nothing I’d ever asked for
There’s a lesson everyday
And a reason for the necessary pain
I wouldn’t have it any other way

Not many see what I feel
But if they could
I know my claim to fame would be sorrow
They say that rain today is sun tomorrow
They say that pain today means joy will follow
They say that nothing happens to us without merit
Sometimes that future karma is a lifetime gift we inherit
Wish for some sanctity but I continue on
They could always sense the humility in his aura
Health conditions and disorders
Cursed blood but still living
Born with a sickness that’s still giving
Nothing I’d ever ask for
There’s a lesson everyday
And a reason for it
Such necessary pain
I wouldn’t have it any other way

I can guarantee you this pain was worth it
Matter of fact — I bet you
Not that I was never loved
My parents were always respectful
But that doesn’t mean that their presence wasn’t neglectful
My mom was constantly working
Tried her best to be there
But that’s when I learned that can’t be fair
While the other was transient
Found a way to ask for something at every chance he’d get
The type of loneliness
That a fool could go kill
Left with nothing
Except some tools to go build
Self-made I feel separate
So all this pain you’ve been kept from it
My only regret from it
Maybe I should’ve said something
But all I did was just wept from it
Now I’m no longer in debt from it
Nothing I’d ever asked for
There’s a lesson everyday
And a reason for the necessary pain
I wouldn’t have it any other way

A. Hymn|| Necessary Pain

When you struggle to be yourself
But your soul needs peace
Feeling as if acting out
Lashing out
Is the only way out
Trapped in a state of attrition
Disease, loneliness, anger
All of the above
Too many ingredients
Yet I still feel as if I have no choices
Writing these words down to abate all this tearing
Only makes things better for as long as it takes me to read them
So you can taste all this fearing
For as long as I’m taken from freedom
My heart feels cold
While my outer core is adjacent to freezing
Living in hell
Hoping I don’t grow complacent with demons
I’m just not myself right now
Trying to take care of me and my health right now
All while struggling to feel like myself right now

A. Hymn, Spiritual Crisis

Life passes in every direction
The journey reroutes
The cycles restarts
Unlearning pain
As I make it through these times

A lot that I hold but not much I’m showing
Cultivating in isolation
No room, no path, just roaming
No sunlight, no dirt, just growing
Reliving every moment I wish I gave up
Every single night my emotions made me stay up
It’s been years since I’ve said a prayer
Sometimes it’s like what’s the point in asking for favors
A lot of angst since I was a teen
Anger and sadness with everything in between
I’m vulnerable and not all I hold I can handle
But every pressing issue is focused on the peace I channel
The peace I carry
The peace I bring to take away hurting
Yet I never really felt like this great person
That people made me out to be
But maybe I could be
If I never thought like that
Maybe I would be
Thought I could rid everything that I wore
If I could just shake it
But when pain is deeper than bone
You can never be truly naked
Tattoo every lesson learned on my back
Each word of my past
To represent I won’t ever be turning back
Because…
Life passes in every direction
The journey reroutes
The cycles restarts
Unlearning pain
As I make it through these times

A. Hymn|| These Times

Much older now
I’ve surmounted all of the pain
So I don’t hold you accountable for our fate
Wearing your vices for years
Evil haunts
You’ve been doomed by all those lies in your ears
Yet you’re almost as poor in your soul
As you can offer in hand
Now I’m not saying money brings love
But you had an obsession to spend
I know you couldn’t tell me what’s what
All you can do now is live with the bad decisions of your past
You’re livid and things are unstable
You gambled everything on the table
That’s why it’s been years since we’ve ate together
But I have my sympathy for you
I hope your days are better
Because not many get to walk through the rain
Without growing to hate the weather
Yet I see your efforts to salvage us
Your track record has damaged us
But I’ve grown without you
Grown out of what I thought I needed
Make sure whatever I caught for my son I feed him
Let it be told
This is in no way a chip on my shoulder
I’ve realized what you failed to give me was a gift
And that gift was a boulder
One that would make Sisyphus
Cherish the weight of the world
Embodying all the pain and the hurt
Meanwhile I could sit here forever
Writing a way through all these pages and words
In hopes to finding someway to say what it’s worth

A. Hymn|| Father Apart

Bridges will burn
We fall out of our rhythm
Victims of cyclical hurt
The distance instills guilt
Reminiscing at what feelings once were
Numb to feeling one’s worth
Passion dissipates when bridges get burned

Looking back at times I caused your pain
I sometimes wish for one more call again
Rectify it all and make it all the same
And if I never love again
I’ll have a heart full of peace
So it’s hard to not care when the feelings are close
Funny how we often learn love from those who need it the most
You know I could see your hurt but despite it
You put up a facade
Meanwhile I took my heart and soul
And placed it into the person behind it
My full support and love
I will always applaud you
But remember it was you that set the stage
So if you take the roses home
Make sure to clean up the tomatoes too

Bridges will burn
We fall out of our rhythm
Victims of cyclical hurt
The distance instills guilt
Reminiscing at what feelings once were
Numb to feeling one’s worth
Passion dissipates when bridges get burned

Telling you how I feel would be worth it
That’s what they said
Yet you put me through so much
That I could love and hate you in the same breath
But I want better for you
You have to learn on your own
It’s wrong for you to be dependent
So my hands will stay open
I just refuse to extend them
Being cold to you makes me shiver inside
Meanwhile the idea of me leaving makes you quiver inside
The bridges you burn can’t dam the rivers you cried
Because when your spirits were low
It was me that delivered you pride
So keep running away
I hope you find what you are looking for
Just remember
That we’re bound to lose what we leave behind

Bridges will burn
We fall out of our rhythm
Victims of cyclical hurt
The distance instills guilt
Reminiscing at what feelings once were
Numb to feeling one’s worth
Passion dissipates when bridges get burned

A. Hymn, Bridges