when i search for balance
solitude is my fuel
living by self-love, pardon my creed
see i’d rather keep silent than to spar with my speech
closeted thoughts with my heart on my sleeve
but pain is progress, each scar is a seed
forward moving no matter how far i can’t see
resilience is hard to defeat when you’ve felt more
than you’ve ever seen
that’s why i channel everything to being a better me
a stroke of humility, rarely have i petted greed
give all that i can now and worry later about a pedigree
reliable most say they could bet on me
and if they can’t that’s a bet to me
do right then let it be
so when i search for balance
let me go then let me be

A. Hymn || 10/7/2016

Nothing I’d ever asked for
There’s a lesson everyday
And a reason for the necessary pain
I wouldn’t have it any other way

Not many see what I feel
But if they could
I know my claim to fame would be sorrow
They say that rain today is sun tomorrow
They say that pain today means joy will follow
They say that nothing happens to us without merit
Sometimes that future karma is a lifetime gift we inherit
Wish for some sanctity but I continue on
They could always sense the humility in his aura
Health conditions and disorders
Cursed blood but still living
Born with a sickness that’s still giving
Nothing I’d ever ask for
There’s a lesson everyday
And a reason for it
Such necessary pain
I wouldn’t have it any other way

I can guarantee you this pain was worth it
Matter of fact — I bet you
Not that I was never loved
My parents were always respectful
But that doesn’t mean that their presence wasn’t neglectful
My mom was constantly working
Tried her best to be there
But that’s when I learned that can’t be fair
While the other was transient
Found a way to ask for something at every chance he’d get
The type of loneliness
That a fool could go kill
Left with nothing
Except some tools to go build
Self-made I feel separate
So all this pain you’ve been kept from it
My only regret from it
Maybe I should’ve said something
But all I did was just wept from it
Now I’m no longer in debt from it
Nothing I’d ever asked for
There’s a lesson everyday
And a reason for the necessary pain
I wouldn’t have it any other way

A. Hymn|| Necessary Pain

As the scales of Libra struggle for balance
I wonder how long it will take before I come to a vantage
One side tips and I become supple from panic
But the fruits of loving life allow me to trust in the damage
Yet I know that to juggle my chances is such a gullible gambit
Topsy-turvy; I now understand why the world struts on an axis
Passion and commitment keep one to live up to their actions
Despite the turbulent, suffering, onerous clashes
I thought about taking the easy way out
Returning to my old self, giving right into lustful advances
Drown in self-indulgence, soaking wet in greed
See it’s hard to find order when life has its set decrees
But the only law to set me free
Is to strive for acceptance — so everything is the best to me
But how can I tell if the universe has reciprocated the best for me
When I offer the best of me?
So after all the tears and a coarse voice
I begin to reflect on what makes a poor choice
Since the bad merits the good
And tomorrow needs us to hope for joy
As misfortune and pain easily coax the coy

And to those who wear their hearts on their sleeves
Remember to wash away the stains once in a while
No matter how much harder you bleed
Because there’s so much more to a comfortable smile

A. Hymn, Bittersweet