i’m everywhere i never thought i’d be
unlearning everything that was taught to me
surviving life’s conditions and complications
inner monlogues turn to conversations
the talks with my soul
assure me i’ll never walk in the cold
because on those days
where i feel like i’m approaching my end
i grip harder and take hold of myself
despite the weight of the world
despite the weight of the hurt
i shouldered the press
despite my imperfections molded to flesh
i showed them my best

A. Hymn || 9/22/2016

empty journal asking: what it is i want for me?
trying not to dodge the question
yet i still find myself wandering
doing all that i can to live honestly
when there’s just so much i want from me
my expectations are high
i don’t want this pass
i just don’t want to spectate from the side
and let the days go on by
i know what i’m supposed to be
so i won’t embrace any lies
accepting praise and support
all the things i wouldn’t dare take before
but now
i’m a new person
with new worth and new burdens
seeing through a new perspective
with a new purpose and new imperfections
and at the same time it’s still me
while the past that brought me hurt
no longer make me guilty

A. Hymn || 9/18/2016

dreams that i’m afraid to live
love that i’m afraid to give
paths that i’m afraid to travel
flaws i’m afraid to battle
newly rid of my older shell
if i know nothing else
at least i know myself
more love, more days
more hope, more pains
that’s what i told myself
currently learning to let go
unlearning the ways i tend to hold myself
holding myself from others that want me
i carry the many things that life taught me
despite their trust
i know i’d want somebody
but
my sights are set on me
nothing left to do but keep going
keep going
even if i can feel the creep slowing
keep going

keep going
keep going

A. Hymn || keep going

empty hands
worked hard for everything i have
always forced to face everything i can’t
so whenever i fall and things come crashing down
i make sure to admire the structure
let failure turn you into your deepest lover

i had always been used to comparing myself
now i know what it feels to be aware of myself
prepared with what’s dealt
i am all i own
the only one i call my own
yet sometimes this road seems bleak
i feel like turning back with how much i long for home
but i see how far i’ve come
and then i long for more

now all grown up yet disconnected with my inner child
but willing to give more
the distance i lived with is the same distance i live for
just know when i’m carving out my space
i would give you the whole universe and all of outer space
because there are two kinds of friends in this world
the ones you heard
and the ones you hurt

A. Hymn || 7/19/2016