living in my mind
the only place where moments spin back
now at a stage in my life where my growth could be graphed
but i let go of the past and everything holding me back
i’d usually think about all the sad days someone told me to laugh
i felt things as the pen chose me to act
then i wrote my way out of pain when it probed me to emote
letting prose be the path
every single note allowed the old me to stand
it means nothing to take from those who only give back
so that same hope for me is hope you don’t need a plan
it’s hope we withstand
and hopefully with that
we can hopefully last

i think about all those close to me passing
and i’m reminded love is supposed to be lasting
not the last thing

A. Hymn || 10/3/2016

empty journal asking: what it is i want for me?
trying not to dodge the question
yet i still find myself wandering
doing all that i can to live honestly
when there’s just so much i want from me
my expectations are high
i don’t want this pass
i just don’t want to spectate from the side
and let the days go on by
i know what i’m supposed to be
so i won’t embrace any lies
accepting praise and support
all the things i wouldn’t dare take before
but now
i’m a new person
with new worth and new burdens
seeing through a new perspective
with a new purpose and new imperfections
and at the same time it’s still me
while the past that brought me hurt
no longer make me guilty

A. Hymn || 9/18/2016

sometimes i find myself wishing for retribution
then self-doubt turns around
forcing me to think i’ve met delusion
and with all that i’ve been through
i feel like the universe has a standard i can’t live to
taking me from myself, there’s just a presence i can’t give you
taking in tenfold
at times i want to give up
at times i want to make this hand fold
trust me when i say it’s just me
self-made, self-cared, self-loved
i just want someone to take over the wheel
there’s been so much love i’ve steered myself from
i don’t want my love to be seldom
i just want to be welcomed
without making an entrance
yet i see all those that i’ve touched and it’s senseless
i love them all
i don’t need the attention
i just don’t want this need to be endless

A. Hymn || a prayer

many things on my mind to write about
i trust that my intuition can assure all the things i’m right about
doing all in my power to get by and further me
so when i reflect
my thoughts are inclined to return to me
these growing pains are hurting me
but my passion to do better burns me to the third degree
a better person
a better self
that’s all i learn to be
taking back all my bad habits and turning them into courtesy
never speaking hurt into the universe
never committing perjury
i write to myself
with no one else to encourage me
in pursuit of answers
feeling desperate to trade my sanity for some certainty
but i remember it’s all about staying quiet
then opening up to let your purpose speak
so i take a deep breath
my rate of patience has always been at a turtle speed
nothing more and nothing less
just searching for something more
i am not done
i know i’ve got something left

A. Hymn || destiny iii

when it comes to life
and all i thought i understood
i learned most things that looked good from far
are normally far from good

eyes set where the farthest stood
write and bleed everything an artist would
at a turning point of no return
doing anything a martyr could
counter full of ingredients
and yet it’s hard to cook

one step after the other…
i actually wonder
do these self-talks work?
beginning to see the world for what it is
for what it is worth i could tell you that love exists
in the people
their smiles
their gestures
and despite all the pressure
you are never truly lost at sea
you will always have the sun and moon
in fact
you are that bright
you are that beam
you are your hope
never forget that
never forget it

A. Hymn || checkpoint