… i typically internalize a lot of my emotions, and on top of that spending so much time by myself growing up, i developed a bit of an imagination. an imagination as in fantasy, escape. so not always having others to express to, i just naturally reverted inwards out of habit or coping you can say…over time there’s like a buildup i guess and then there’s this feeling of self-consciousness being like: can anybody hear me? am i weird? is this normal? who is he talking to? etc etc etc…but at the same time being self-aware. noticing every thought or lack of, as well as the emotions attached to it. i discovered writing by pure luck at first. but i realized how powerful it is, and it just allowed me take what was inside and put it into the world. i look at a lot of artists and how people relate to them and realized that it’s self-creation, it all comes from in them and they’re just as human as i am. so from there i wrote to make use of all the thinking and emotions…because as much as no one person is the same or walks the same path, we all for whatever reason feel a lot of the same things. plus it was therapeutic for me. it helped me not have to carry everything all the time. keeping you sane and less stressed. i kept on writing because i realized that i’m somewhat gifted and nice at it. but more so it’s just something that comes a bit intuitive to me, like i don’t have to question it. and i guess i also believe that we are made up of the universe and all it’s nuances from something as simple as how a loved one’s smile makes you feel, to the words you choose to say to someone in a given moment. it all makes up the world around us. and writing poetry is like my way of putting me or my soul or emotion or whatever you want to call it — into the world. it’s natural, not driven by much else besides the way the universe sorta moves…and by universe i mean it can be god, love, peace, whatever you believe in — basically the everyday happenings of the world…so with all that i’ve said so far, i tend to feel that i’m partially alone in how i think. not that i’m too smart for people or anything. but just simple misunderstanding. so i go back to writing and being reclusive. and the cycle of not being totally engaged with the outer world continues as i’m constantly within my own little world. i will say that my inner world or “self-talk” isn’t necessarily negative such as self-doubt, or self-hatred, but it is limiting and preventative from being a better person that i’ve yet to grow into. that potential and lack of motivation that teachers and friends have told me about for years stems from being comfortable and complacent with not always trying and keeping to myself. most likely comes from some childhood fear, what specifically i don’t know — but it has to do with just being solitary. so that’s it origin of my poetry in a nutshell. i hope you enjoy. much love. much peace.